Why Do Children Cry on the First Days of School?

The first days of school can be exciting for both children and parents, but they can also bring strong emotions. Some children enter the classroom with curiosity, while others may not want to separate from a parent, may cry, or may ask to go home.

Crying when starting school can be a natural response to separation, an unfamiliar environment, uncertainty, or changes in daily routines. Every child’s adjustment process is different. Some children become comfortable quickly, while others may need more time, repetition, and adult support.

The American Academy of Pediatrics also notes that separation anxiety can vary considerably from one child to another. Short and consistent goodbye routines, explaining when the parent will return in terms the child can understand, and keeping promises about returning can help make transitions more predictable.

In this guide, we look at why children may cry when starting school, how parents can respond, and simple activities that may support the transition at home.

Why Might Children Cry When Starting School?

There is no single reason why a child may cry before or during school.

Age, temperament, previous experience being separated from caregivers, the school environment, and daily routines can all influence the adjustment process.

1. Separation Anxiety

For a young child, a parent or regular caregiver is often the most familiar source of safety.

Separating from that person when entering an unfamiliar environment can make some children feel uncomfortable or worried.

This does not mean that the child is being “spoiled” or “stubborn.” Crying and clinging to a caregiver can occur during separation, particularly in younger children.

HealthyChildren.org notes that children’s responses to separation vary considerably and that some children need more support during transitions than others.

2. Difficulty Understanding Time

Statements such as:

“I’ll come back this afternoon.”

or

“I’ll pick you up at three o’clock.”

may be too abstract for a young child.

Instead, you can connect your return to events the child already understands:

• “I’ll come after lunch.”
• “I’ll pick you up after rest time.”
• “I’ll come after you eat your fruit.”

Guidance from the American Academy of Pediatrics also recommends describing the return time in terms that are meaningful to the child.

3. The Intensity of a New Environment

A new classroom can include unfamiliar children, teachers, sounds, toys, routines, and rules all at once.

Some children adapt quickly to new environments, while others may need more time to observe what is happening before they feel comfortable participating.

Rather than comparing your child with other children, it is more useful to focus on your child’s individual pace.

4. Not Knowing What Will Happen During the Day

Uncertainty can make some children feel uneasy.

Before school, you can describe the day in simple terms:

“First we’ll go to school. You’ll go inside with your teacher and friends. You’ll play and have lunch, and then I’ll come back to pick you up.”

Predictable routines can help children understand what to expect and may make daily transitions feel more manageable.

5 Approaches That May Make School Adjustment Easier

1. Create a Short and Consistent Goodbye Routine

Long goodbyes can sometimes make separation more difficult.

You might use the same simple routine every morning:

“One hug, one kiss. Have a good day. I’ll come back to pick you up later.”

Then say goodbye and leave.

HealthyChildren.org recommends keeping goodbyes brief and using a similar routine consistently.

2. Keep Your Promise About Returning

If you tell your child:

“I’ll come back after rest time.”

try to keep that promise whenever possible.

Predictability can help children gradually learn that a parent leaving school does not mean the parent is disappearing permanently.

AAP guidance also emphasizes the importance of keeping promises about returning.

3. Acknowledge Your Child’s Feelings

Instead of saying:

“There’s nothing to cry about.”

or

“Look, the other children aren’t crying.”

you can acknowledge what the child is experiencing:

“I know you don’t want me to leave.”

“Starting somewhere new can feel difficult.”

“You’re sad right now. I’ll come back later.”

Acknowledging a feeling does not mean changing the school boundary. It is possible to accept the emotion while still following the routine.

4. Use Calm Language About School and Teachers

Speaking anxiously about school in front of the child may make school seem more threatening.

For example, repeatedly asking:

“I wonder if you’ll cry again today?”

may unintentionally increase the child’s attention to the difficult part of the transition.

Instead, you can use calm and realistic language:

“You’ll spend another day with your teacher today.”

“If you want, you can tell me about your favorite game this evening.”

5. Work Together With the Teacher

If your child remains upset for a long time at school, speak with the teacher.

Helpful questions may include:

• How long does the crying usually last?
• Does the child settle after entering the classroom?
• Does the child join activities?
• Does the child eat normally?
• Are there particular activities or situations that seem more difficult?

The American Academy of Pediatrics also recommends cooperation with school staff when school avoidance or significant anxiety is present.

Approaches That May Make Adjustment More Difficult

Leaving Without Saying Goodbye

Leaving secretly while the child is distracted may seem easier in the moment.

However, it can increase uncertainty if the child does not know when a parent might disappear.

A short, clear goodbye is generally more predictable.

Extending the Goodbye Repeatedly

Returning to the classroom over and over again after the child begins crying, or remaining at the doorway for a long time, may prolong the separation in some situations.

A brief, calm, and consistent goodbye can create a clearer routine.

Comparing the Child With Other Children

Statements such as:

“Look, your friend isn’t crying.”

may not help.

Children can adjust to unfamiliar environments at very different speeds.

Shaming the Child for Crying

Avoid statements such as:

“You’re too old for this.”

or

“Don’t cry like a baby.”

A calmer approach that recognizes the child’s feelings is generally more appropriate.

Activities at Home That Can Support the Transition to School

Adjustment does not happen only at the school entrance.

Simple activities at home can give children opportunities to talk or play about their school experiences.

1. Pretend School With Toys

Use teddy bears, dolls, or toy figures to create a small classroom.

One toy can be the parent, another the teacher, and the others can be students.

For example:

“Little Bear is going to school for the first time today. His mother gives him a hug and then goes to work. How do you think Little Bear feels?”

Allow the child to guide the story.

Pretend play can give children an opportunity to express thoughts and feelings about school and separation through play.

2. A Calm Activity After School

When your child returns home, you do not need to immediately ask many questions about the school day.

Allow some time to transition.

Playing with modeling dough, drawing, doing a simple paper craft, or reading a book together can provide a calm activity after school.

3. Coloring

Coloring is an easy screen-free activity that can be prepared after school.

Let the child choose which picture to color and which colors to use.

During coloring, you might casually ask:

“What colors did you see at school today?”

However, if the child does not want to talk, there is no need to insist.

Kidolori also offers printable activities featuring different professions and community helpers.

Explore Free Profession Activities and Coloring Pages

The aim is simply to give children an opportunity to practice using pencils and colors while spending time with an activity they have chosen themselves.

Helpful Phrases When Talking About School

Long explanations are not always necessary.

Short and understandable sentences can be more useful:

• “I’ll leave you here and then I’ll come back.”
• “It’s okay to feel sad, and we’re still going to school.”
• “Your teacher will be with you.”
• “I’ll pick you up after rest time.”
• “You can tell me about your day later if you want.”

The goal is not to stop the child from ever feeling sad. The goal is to make what will happen more predictable.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it normal for a child to cry when starting school?

Some children cry during the first days of school or when separating from a caregiver.

The intensity and duration of separation anxiety can vary considerably between children.

It is useful to consider the child’s overall behavior, whether they settle after entering the classroom, and how much the situation affects everyday life.

How long does crying at school usually last?

There is no single time period that applies to every child.

Some children adjust more quickly, while others may need longer and require additional support.

For this reason, statements such as “it will definitely stop in two weeks” or “every child adjusts within four weeks” are not reliable.

If the child repeatedly refuses to attend school, frequently experiences headaches or stomachaches on school days, or anxiety is clearly interfering with everyday functioning, it may be appropriate to speak with the child’s pediatrician and school team.

AAP guidance notes that professional support may be needed when school avoidance continues or separation difficulties significantly interfere with daily functioning.

Should I take my child home if they cry at drop-off?

The answer depends on the individual situation.

For mild separation difficulties, a brief and consistent goodbye routine may be helpful.

However, if the child experiences intense or persistent anxiety, significant physical symptoms, or other difficulties, it is better to evaluate the situation together with the teacher and pediatrician.

A child’s needs should not be judged from a single behavior alone.

If my child says, “My stomach hurts,” are they really sick?

A stomachache or headache can have a physical cause.

However, some children may also experience physical symptoms during periods of school-related anxiety.

AAP resources note that children experiencing school avoidance may report symptoms such as headache, stomachache, nausea, or dizziness, particularly on school days.

Physical symptoms should not automatically be assumed to be caused by anxiety.

Recurring or significant symptoms should be discussed with a pediatrician.

When Might Additional Support Be Helpful?

It can be normal for children to need time to adjust to a new environment.

However, it may be useful to speak with a pediatrician, school counselor, or appropriate mental health professional if you notice:

• Persistent refusal to attend school
• Repeated physical complaints on school days
• Anxiety that significantly interferes with everyday life
• Noticeable changes in sleep or eating
• Concerns about bullying or safety at school
• Separation difficulties that do not improve over time

School avoidance can be related to anxiety, but academic difficulties, peer problems, bullying, or other factors may also play a role.

Listening to the child and staying in communication with the school team is important.

Sources & Further Reading

• American Academy of Pediatrics / HealthyChildren.org — How to Ease Your Child’s Separation Anxiety
• American Academy of Pediatrics / HealthyChildren.org — School Avoidance: Tips for Concerned Parents
• American Academy of Pediatrics / HealthyChildren.org — Help Your Child Manage Anxiety: Tips for Home & School
• American Academy of Pediatrics / HealthyChildren.org — School Attendance, Truancy & Chronic Absenteeism: What Parents Need to Know

Note: This article is intended for general informational purposes. If you have specific concerns about your child’s school adjustment, separation anxiety, behavior, or physical symptoms, consult your child’s pediatrician or another appropriate professional.